For me, it’s easy to get lost in other people’s expectations of me. The expectations that others have for my future fall into such a wide range that it often leaves me very conflicted. I’ve always been known for my singing—music has been my life since I was a child. The stark reality is that in about ten months full-fledged reality is going to be here and music won’t be a large part of that anymore. I think about it daily. What will I do after I graduate? What do I want to do? I have this degree and a developing set of skills, who is going to want me?
The questions are never ceasing and increase with intensity each time I think about them. Diving into the unknown is usually what I do best yet the future is seemingly staring at me with a smirk these days. My life has changed immensely in the past year and it is often hard to navigate the present while trying to plan for the future as well. I know that I can’t be the only one who feels this way. I think that most college seniors feel a lot of pressure and confusion about the future. From student loans, career paths, relationships, and housing changes—It sort of feels like you’re just waiting for to either all come together or fall apart.
Changing my inner voice is the sole way that I can gain control back. When I feel so out of control about everything around me, I know that my reaction to what is happening and my thoughts about myself in the process are the two things that truly matter. The future scares the heck out of me but so does the voice inside my head that often tells me that I am not good enough.
It’s like someone following you around all day and cutting you down constantly. No one wants that, yet it is impossible to escape your voice unless you work on changing it. I have to consciously and intentionally think about what thoughts are going through my head. I am so used to letting the negative thoughts about myself pass after I internalize them without even realizing it.
I have trouble regarding myself as someone with low self-esteem. I think that I am too driven at times and this fear of messing up has been the catalyst for that. My generation has a serious problem with the fear of failure and I could definitely be the poster child for the issue. The reasons why I am good at certain things are because of this voice. This shouldn’t be the reason why I am good at them. I should let myself feel proud of what I have accomplished and be thankful that I had the ability within me to do so.
I don’t want to tackle my future with this voice inside my head still remaining the same as it has my whole life. I want to reuse the energy that I once used to try to ‘fix’ why I am not good enough and instead use it to defeat the constant voice that is telling me these things. I have always strived for perfection in everything I do, and I must say that this voice was the driving force behind it. Just like most people who have been involved in music their whole lives, never being good enough is a staple feeling. It has brought me down yet simultaneously helped me to achieve.
If you also have a similar voice within you, I challenge you to become aware of it and to try to change it. Think positively about yourself and know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You can’t be good at everything, have the “perfect” body (which shouldn’t even be a thing), or have the most money in the world (I guess you could, but you know, work with me here). Achieving even greater things can come when you have a truly positive foundation within you.