Realistic expressions that truly profess deep and meaningful love are what I am all about. I like being realistic and not falling into the trap of a fantasy-fairytale-prince-on-horse-I-am-a-princess kind of delusion. I want a love that can endure even the toughest of external circumstances. With that, I find that rooting all decision in my life on reality and forward thinking is best. I think about the future a lot and how people in my life fit into my life in the big picture.
I give you three expressions that mean more to me than “I love you no matter what” or “you complete me”.
- Love me conditionally.
Love should endure even if circumstances aren’t ideal. I believe that unconditional love focuses on attitude not reality. I wouldn’t, and wouldn’t expect my partner to, turn a blind eye to real and glaring issues. I need someone who makes me better. If they love me unconditionally, then I can be a total jerk all the time and it is cool because our love is unconditional. It might mean something different to everyone reading this, but that is how I interpret it. Reality is, and always will be, a concern to me and having someone consume your entire world so much that you are disillusioned is not healthy.
I search for a balance in this scenario. While creating a safe environment for one to share feelings and issues is necessary, one must find a relative measure of unconditional love. If I do not understand who you are, then how can we work together to build a better you, a better me, a better us? We cannot. Deep understanding of the other person’s traits, abilities, and goals are imperative for building a mutual understanding and trust. To me, unconditional love would be ignoring any weaknesses in the other person and only focusing on the good. Helping your partner be better also helps you to be better. And that’s what relationships are all about—navigating the stormy seas of self-improvement together!
- I don’t need you to complete me, I am whole on my own.
This is a big one. If someone is empty and hollow when you meet them and they NEED you to complete them and make them feel whole, then RUN. We have all been there—trying to fill loneliness, boredom, and sadness with the presence of another person. Sometimes just having a human body sitting next to you can temporarily numb the pain you are experiencing but you shouldn’t NEED that person to function. You shouldn’t need them to fill something that is “missing” inside of you. Only YOU can fill that void!
Dig down. Think about it. It is so easy to fill your pain with another person. By focusing on them, you don’t have to focus on you as much. It’s a great and socially acceptable way to fill the void. I have found that the lasting, enduring, and beautiful kinds of love are between two whole people.
- Love is only the foundation for our relationship—there are many more moving parts at work than love.
Just loving someone won’t make it work. Even if you love him or her, and want so desperately to make it work despite it clearly not working, it won’t ever actually work. You really need someone who has the same core values, wants to know the real you (the one who is authentic and not always super pleasant), and strive to grow with you. It all comes down to support—does your partner support your life or hinder it?